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April Horoscopes

Did you think I would forget you, April? Never! They may be a little late but your horoscopes are finally here. But because this month marks the one year anniversary of The Goose Responds and because I am more obsessed with myself than I am with you, dear reader, I have decided to use this as yet another opportunity for shameless self-promotion. Instead of actually telling you anything about your upcoming month, I am just going to make you read one of my past posts, specially picked for your star sign.

Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)- Candies That Are Good and Candies That Are Bad We at the Goose never shy away from controversy but even this was a lot for us. I had no idea people liked Tootsie Rolls so much or had so many other terrible opinions.

Taurus (Apr 20-May 20)- Why I Left New York A true literary classic with a shocking end. They’ll teach this one to the cyber-freshmen of the future.

Gemini (May 21-Jun 20)- 5 Fantastic Ways to Cope with Job Loss When Guest Goose Marie pitched this idea I had no idea it would end up so inspiring or advocate for so much petty larceny.

Cancer (Jun 21-Jul 22)- Ten New York State Fair Activities You Can Do At Home! Much like the Cancer, this post did not get nearly the attention it deserved. It’s funny and relatable, dammit!

Leo (Jul 23-Aug 22)- A Letter From Your Great-Great Grandfather o the Belgian Potato Surplus. Can you believe that McSweeney’s rejected this? Their loss!

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)- Tips on Beating the Heat from an Edwardian Lady A meticulously researched piece full of the best worst old-timey advice you could imagine. Should you eat nothing but soft pretzels from June to September? Better read it to find out.

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)- December Horoscopes Remember this one? I gave every sign a classic cookie but no one gave me any cookies in return.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)- Taylor Swift’s “folklore” Songs as First Ladies This post is just because it is my favorite and I am a Scorpio and therefore this sign is my favorite.

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)- A Bennet Family Passover Ahh the one that started it all. A rollicking and seasonal read.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)- Thank You, Alison Roman, For Inspiring My New Product Line Snarky? Check. Historical? Check? Food-focused? Check. Centered on a fleeting beef with a celebrity I barely ever think about? Check.

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)- Innocence and Ignorance in the Time of Corona A riveting exposé from long-time Guest Goose, Tara.

Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20)- Ending the Sandwich Slump This is another one that should have gotten more fanfare. I invented five new sandwiches! FIVE!

I expect a full report on my desk by 1300 EST. And someone had better make one of those brand new sandwiches.

Thank you for sticking by the Goose this year!


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