The Goose Responds
I feel a great kinship with the month of May. It’s full of wildflowers and blooming trees and creeping deadlines. Just like me! To get a better handle on what’s to come, take a gander at these horoscopes! Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)- I have consulted the oracle. I have done the calculations. I have performedContinue reading “May Horoscopes”
Did you think I would forget you, April? Never! They may be a little late but your horoscopes are finally here. But because this month marks the one year anniversary of The Goose Responds and because I am more obsessed with myself than I am with you, dear reader, I have decided to use this as yet another opportunity for shameless self-promotion.
Hello hello it’s February, the month of love! Why is it the month of love? Because long ago some Roman (St. Valentine) got murdered for marrying people around the same time other Romans used to sacrifice a goat to purify their city (Lupercalia). So in honor of this, I’m going a little off course. Instead of your future, I’ve calculated the perfect way for your star sign to find success in love! Read on!
Welcome to 2021! May the new year bring no new troubles and may your old ones not recognize you behind your mask. Many exciting things are afoot in January but as ever, please remember that the future is a great and terrible burden. Read on responsibly. Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)- A low pressure system movingContinue reading “January Horoscopes”
Ho ho ho, happy Chanukah! It’s December which means a time for celebration, good food, worshiping the night beginning at 4pm, and horoscopes. As an extra special holiday present, each zodiac sign has been assigned a classic Christmas cookie with a recipe link included! If you make them, please send me pictures to be featured in a very special blog post!
Are you one of the 12.6 million Americans who are unemployed? Well you’re on luck! Sort of. Our Guest Goose Marie has compiled a helpful list of 5 methods to deal with job loss, all inspired by very reliable and educational fantasy franchises.
Skittles make you feel like the popular girls just asked you to sit at their lunch table and they totally actually mean it this time. Skittles are a trip to the mall to shoplift lip gloss. Skittles are Britney Spears burning down her home gym with a candle. Skittles are an elixir of youth itself.
Hey look outside! What’s that? Why it’s the 12 foot skeleton from Home Depot, reporting for duty in the Skeleton Wars! This month in addition to your horoscope you’ll also be assigned a spooky scary Halloween meme. This will be your official identity for all of October. Enjoy!
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